


Jasmine Leaf Tea

by Gothams_Only_Wolf, pickleplum



Series: Tea Lovers Association [21]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: A couple of times, Feels, Gen, I Made Myself Cry, I apologize in advance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-17 03:39:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2295347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gothams_Only_Wolf/pseuds/Gothams_Only_Wolf, https://archiveofourown.org/users/pickleplum/pseuds/pickleplum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The long awaited Jasmine Tea Part I. </p><p>AKA Yancy dies and poor Raleigh suffers a lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jasmine Leaf Tea

**Author's Note:**

  * For [knightphoenix2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightphoenix2/gifts), [featheredschist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/featheredschist/gifts).



> I did not want to write this. I put it off for as long as was physically possible but I got struck by horrendous inspiration and it unfolded from there. This is going to hurt, maybe. 
> 
> It gets better but you're possibly going to cry at some points.
> 
> Also, major _major_ thanks goes to pickle for putting up with me while I was writing this out.

* * *

**-February 29, 2020-**

The day that ruins Raleigh's entire life starts off with the sound of the Kaiju alarm klaxon.

"Yo, Yancy! Wake up! Movement in the Breach!" _Up, you lazy bastard! Kaiju's aimin' for our hometown._ "Hey! C’mon! We’re being deployed!"

"Great. Good morning." Yancy slurs into his pillow as he buried his face back into it. 

"Kaiju’s a Category 3. Biggest one yet. Codename: Knifehead." Raleigh pokes at Yancy's shoulder, playfully tugging on the blanket with a grin. 

"What time is it?" Yancy asks as he rolls out of bed. 

"Two." Raleigh chirrups as he tugs on a shirt, nudging Yancy through the link with a soft wash of affection. 

"A.M." Yancy slapped a hand to his face and dragged it down with a groan. 

"Yup!" He grabs for his brother and rubs at his hair, both of them still warm from sleep. 

Yancy sighs and rubs his eyes.

"Whad’ya say? Fifth notch on the belt?" Raleigh hums as Yancy curls around him. 

"C’mon, Beckets. Time for the drop." A rap on the door and a muffled voice tells them. 

"Hey, kid." Yancy says and his part of the link is serious. 

"Yeah?" Raleigh pays attention this time. 

"Don’t get cocky." His brother chuckles as he gets dressed. **Fucker's goin' down for waking me up.**

"This thing’s ugly, too, apparently," Raleigh tells his brother out loud as they bump shoulders on the way to the Drivesuit Room.

They strap in, teasing each other over the bond and out loud in turns with bright grins on their faces.

If Raleigh had known what was about to happen, he would've fought to take the other side.

"Sir, there’s still a civilian vessel in the gulf." Yancy says over the comm. link to LOCCENT. 

"Gentlemen, you’re protecting a city of two million people. You are not to risk it for a boat that holds ten. Is that clear?" Marshal Pentecost orders gruffly, command lacing every word. 

"Yes, sir." Yancy replies. 

"You know what I’m thinking." He nudges his brother over the link and Yancy laughs. 

"I’m in your head. I know." Yancy's exasperation washes over the link. 

"Then let's go fishing." Raleigh grins at his cheesy line, Yancy actually rolling his eyes this time. 

They slog through miles of water.

"Kick its ass, _Gipsy_!" the Gage twins yell over the comm. 

"Can do, _Romeo_!" Yancy laughs as they head out. 

"Yeah, we’ll take care of it for you, slowpokes!" Raleigh jibs with a light tone. 

Knifehead breaches the water first, snarling as it opens it eyes and targets the fishing boat. They stand up fully, scooping the boat up.

"Engage the torque!" His brother barked out, their upbringing making it an order. 

"I’m on it!" Raleigh replies with a dash of glee chasing down the link. 

They dodge Knifehead’s first swipe as they shove the boat toward shore.

_Take that!_

**Man, Tendo was right. This thing is UGG-LY. Wanna take it out of its misery, Rals?**

_Hell yeah._ They share a quick flash of vicious joy as their other fist slams into the jaw and they pull back for a double-fisted punch. The Cat III's head dunks under the waves and it swipes at them after it comes back up with a roar.

"Get it! C’mon, shoot it!" Raleigh yells enthusiastically. 

Yancy triggers the Plasmacaster on his side. "I’m on it! I’m on it!" His brother growls and Raleigh sends an apology. 

He fires it three times into the Kaiju's exposed chest and throat.

" _Gipsy_ , what the hell is going on?!" Marshal Pentecost asks from LOCCENT while sounding pissed. 

"Job’s done, sir. Lit it up twice. Bagged our fifth kill." Raleigh announces with no small amount of pride. 

"You disobeyed a direct order!" Penetcost barked down the comm. link. 

"Respectfully, sir," Yancy pants softly from the exhertion, "we intercepted a Kaiju and saved everyone on that boat." 

"Get back to your post now!" Stacker practically hisses. 

"Yes, sir." Raleigh's almost laughing but they'll probably get a huge reprimand when they get back. 

" _Gipsy_! We’re still getting a signature! That kaiju’s still alive! Grab the boat and get out of there! Do you copy? Grab the boat and get out of there now!" The Marshal orders sharply, desperation lacing his tone. 

**What?! We got this bastard, right?!** "Take it, Raleigh!" Yancy commands. 

"I got this!" he says with a wide grin. Raleigh starts charging up his Plasmacaster. _With ya every step of the way, Yan._ They strengthen their stance and then Knifehead spears straight through Gipsy's left shoulder. Raleigh screams in agony even as he's filling the link with every curse word he knows.

"LOCCENT! We’re hit!" Yancy's worry slams through the link; Raleigh manages to send assurance. 

The Kaiju separates the arm entirely and Raleigh chokes on his next scream as the circuitry suit sears through his skin. Knifehead attacks the Conn-pod next, its thick claws shrieking as they shear through the metal of the pod and shatter the glass of Gipsy’s visor.

"The hull! It went through the hull!" Raleigh yelps in fear, his grip tightening on his gauntlet. 

"Raleigh, listen to me! You--" Yancy turns to him and starts to say something as claws reach through the compromised hull and yank Yancy straight through it. 

"NOOOOO! NOOOO!" Raleigh feels weightless as Yancy's ripped from _Gipsy_ 's Conn-Pod. _YANCY! Yan, please-_

**Love you.**

_Nononono! I'm sorry! Please! Yancy!_ Tears pour down his face as he reaches for his brother, screaming in anguish as he finds an abyss where Yancy used to be. **_YANCY!_**

A bone-rattling roar is his answer and he snarls back, body straining as he pulls strength from Yancy's last words. The lumbering Kaiju practically tackles him and rips even farther into his damaged left arm, spearing through the chest plates and causing even more pain. He grunts as he takes it, straightening up as the Kaiju's jaws close around the sparking pieces of machinery.

Switching the gauntlet to the opposite hand, Raleigh bares his teeth at the monster who stole his family. Flicking the gauntlet starts the cannon charge as the Kaiju shakes its head to get rid of the parts it took off.

He unloads the Plasmacaster under Knifehead's lower jaw snarling as he does it. Raleigh fires again and lifts his foot in a perfect imitation of a curb-stomp, pressing down until he feels the thick skull cave in. When the Kaiju's body floats in the waves Raleigh wants to disconnect and curl into a ball but he knows if he does that, he drowns in the frigid Arctic waters. He doesn't want his uncle and his sister burying two caskets instead of one.

He slogs through the waves for hours, somehow still controlling the Jaeger even as he's blinded by grief and the absence where Yancy used to be. Everything is shaking; Raleigh doesn't know if it's him or the actual Jaeger doing it but he's in severe agony.

 **I will not allow you to fall, my Ranger.** The female voice is soothing and everything he needed. **The coast is only a few steps more.**

_Who are you?_ Raleigh has a feeling that he knows this voice.

 **Your Jaeger,** she croons as they stumble towards safety. **Gipsy.**

 _Thank you. You saved both our lives,_ Raleigh breathes as they take the final step onto the beach. _Gipsy Danger_ falls to her knees and then everything is blissful oblivion.

Raleigh wakes up with a pained gasp reaching for Yancy through their link on automatic. When all he encounters is utter silence, he curls away from the nurse on duty, shaking as everything overwhelms him. The awful noise of someone straining to keep in grief reaches his ears and he realizes dimly that it's him making those sounds.

"-ger Becket! Ranger Becket, please calm down. You're going into shock." The firm grip on his shoulders causes the left to jerk in pain.

"I'm fine," he croaks. "Just tired."

"Sir, you've just been pulled from the wreckage of Gipsy-"

Raleigh holds up his hand to cut the nurse off. "I don't want to hear it. Where's Yancy?"

"Ranger Yancy Becket was found this evening-"

"Where's my brother?" Raleigh has no idea why he's so calm.

"In the morgue, sir. He was identified by the tags around his neck." The solemn tone stings.

Raleigh grips his head and sends as hard as he can down the link he shares with his brother. The second and third try result in a bloody nose as he sends one last time.

"Ranger Becket, are you alright?"

That earns the hapless nurse a hysterical laugh as Raleigh snaps with tears in his eyes, "I'm just fuckin' _peachy_."

* * *

Recovery is excruciating as he re-learns how to walk with scar tissue from burns down to his hip, how to write again, and even draw. His exercises make his hands shake. He never uses the painkillers, despite the doctor's warning he needs them. Every night Raleigh wakes up to the heart-breaking sight of a bland room that’s not his and Yancy's.

There isn't any place in his head for ‘I’ or ‘me’ anymore. It had always been ‘we,’ especially after their Mom had died. Beckets were together forever; Yancy had been stolen from his mind and soul. RaleighandYancy had been the way of things but now he’s **_alone_**. 

Charlie is forced to return to active duty while Jazmine's scholarship... It was either Raleigh’s recovery or Yancy's funeral and she'd been forced to choose. He understands on a practical level but the emotional part rages.

The worst part is the psychologist. She takes one look at him and writes something down as he limps around her plush office. When he turns to tell Yancy about it, his side protests and the silence is deafening.

"Mr. Becket-"

"Raleigh," he says, his mind digging up details of Knifehead's fucking **teeth** and how Yancy's body had looked so insignificant in that _thing_ 's claws. "Just Raleigh."

"Well, Raleigh, how do you feel?"

"You mean here or in my head?" he snaps and pulls up short. That was one of Yancy's favorite ways to push people to their limits so they left him alone. Raleigh closes his eyes, not even ashamed of the tears pouring down his face. "Like shit, Doc. Nothin' is ever gonna be the same. I'm not stupid. I ... I know he's dead. I WAS RIGHT FUCKIN' THERE AND I COULDN'T SAVE HIM!" He stands up with his anger, every inch of him shaking with rage that can't be released on people or objects. "HE WAS LESS THAN THREE FEET FROM ME! I COULD'VE TOUCHED HIM WITH MY GODDAMNED FINGERTIPS AND IT _KILLED_ HIM!" Raleigh slumps back into the seat as he continues in a hoarse tone of voice. "I have a terrible curse for remembering shit in exact fuckin' detail. He was so terrified and I-You ever hear utter silence? It's painful. It hurts like nothin' else and I hear that every day. No more Yancy, just burn scars and silence. Write whatever the hell you like, ma'am, cause I'm done here."

The end of his recovery period is marked with a disciplinary hearing.

"We call Ranger Becket before this Honored Council. Have you anything to say in your defense?" The absolute silence means that everyone can hear him as he slowly walks to the stand. He's already sworn to tell the truth. No one knows what happened after Knifehead had ripped through the Conn-pod, taking out communications as it had done so.

"It was my fault."

"Explain, Ranger."

"We thought it was the right thing to do. Knifehead was gonna snap the boat like Yamarashi did the RMS Queen Mary in L.A., break it right in half and drown everyone on board. We sent it on its way and shot Knifehead three times in the chest with the left Plasmacaster. It went down, we were ordered to get back to the Icebox and … " He chokes a little as the memory slams through the broken link and he grips the table in front of him until it creaks. "The goddamn thing got back up. It got back up and it ripped off Gipsy's arm. But it wasn't done there; no, that would've been too nice. Knifehead tore at the Conn-pod, broke the hull integrity and then plucked Yan right out of his harness. Gone. He's _gone_ from Gips an' my mind forever. After it's done that, Knifehead grabs hold of me and shears through what's left of Gipsy's broken arm and spears the chest plate like it's a piece of aluminum. I killed it with the right Plasmacaster. Shot it straight through the throat twice and stomped on the head for good measure. But it wasn't Yan's fault or LOCCENT’s ... It's mine." The room breaks into utter chaos as soon as he finishes his speech.

"Please escort Ranger Becket out," the Head Councilman orders as he bangs the gavel. "Short break!" Several people rush for the exit with green expressions as Raleigh is set on a hard bench under guard. He stares blankly ahead, some part of him aware that he's freaking out his guards.

 **Raleigh?** _Gipsy_ 's pressing soft tenderness and support down the bond they share and he leans heavily on it since there's no one here to defend him. 

_Hey, Gips. Thought you'd wake up in '19. You meet your siblings yet?_ he asks softly, the burn in his throat due to the place he's going after this is over.

 **Yes. They're wonderful. I'm sorry you had to say it again,** she apologizes as the memory fades due to her efforts. He's heard the others talk about it before but _Gipsy_ is his rock now.

_Maybe they'll listen this time. They need a goddamn scapegoat an' we're it._

**Humanity can be so disappointing sometimes, my Ranger.** She sighs as she embraces him in warmth. He sighs out loud and returns it with a wave of affection. **I love you Raleigh.**

_I love you too, Gips. He would've loved you just as much,_ he states even as his outward expression never changes.

 **I know.** They bring him back in and he stands tall in the face of vicious remarks. By the time they're done, Raleigh's face has practically turned to stone. **Bastards.**

 _Language, doll._

**They don't deserve my manners,** she hisses as the computers nearest Raleigh glitch in her anger.

"Ranger Becket, do you have any last words before you are dismissed from the Jaeger Program?" The tone is kinder than it should be in this setting, the Councilman's gaze showing the sympathy his position does not allow him to express.

"I shouldn't be standing here at all," Raleigh answers quietly while making an about-face as he strides from the room in his uniform.

Raleigh's stride is steel, clipped and forced as nothing in his life had ever been before. He has a funeral to wear this to and then he's out of the place he'd called home for five years. The future yawns ahead but Raleigh's long shut out his itch to predict, to resolve tension. He has only two people left that belong to his blood now.

Maman would never forgive him for letting Yancy go first into her arms. Various personnel salute Raleigh as he passes with his medals gleaming across his chest but he doesn't return them, his destination cold and unfriendly. The PPDC-provided car is warm but it's not going to crack the frozen exterior of Raleigh's heart.

At the cemetery, they stand together, a pathetic huddle of remaining Beckets staring down into the frozen ground that now holds the heart of them all.

"Would anyone like to say a few words?" The pastor looks over at them and in particular at the thick gauze covering a livid burn on Raleigh's neck not covered by the high collar of the stiff uniform.

"Vous avez vécu comme vous êtes morts, frère, avec amor*. Take care of Maman." Jazmine sobs into Charlie's Air Force dress uniform as Raleigh’s throat closes after speaking.

"I will leave you now."

"Thank you, Father," Charlie murmurs as he supports Jazmine. Raleigh wants so badly to fold into the protective embrace like he had only five years previously. "Jesus, Rals, c'mere."

He shakes as he falls apart, choked sobs escaping him as they stand next to Yancy's grave. The reminder only serves to make him cry harder and his grip on what's left of his family is as tight as it can get. They're going to get separated again and that causes the lump in his throat to hurt as he slumps into Charlie's strength.

"Love you," he says, fresh tears pooling at the painful reminder of Yancy.

"Love you too, kiddo. Both of you can live with me while we sort this out. It's not much-"

"I have to get back. The scholarship ... ends if I don't remain in school." Jazmine sniffles as she turns her bright blue eyes towards Raleigh.

" I... I can't stay. Not here. I don't think I can ever come here again," he rasps out as he stares at the Icebox Shatterdome. "Too many memories."

"I understand. Need help packin'?" Uncle Charlie asks as he keeps them close.

"Nah. Just ... Just wanna stay like this. Don't wanna face the world for a bit. Hurts too much." He's clipping his sentences like he used to do when it got to be too much for his brain but he shoves the sensation to the side like he has with all of it so far. The resolve to close everything off is tempered by the horrified, still-sensitive part that realizes that Hermann would have heard the news by now. "I gotta ... I gotta tell Hermann I'm still alive."

"Then what?"

"Wherever they'll take me."

He paces in front of the civilian video conference screen, wrapped in Yancy's cable-knit sweater and grey scarf because the room is cold as shit with the rationing of electricity; the wood stove is reserved for sub-zero temperatures.

"Raleigh?" Hermann's concerned face has him all but falling into the hard seat to face his best friend. "Mein Gott, you look like you have not slept in a week."

"Haven't," he replies out of habit in German before switching to accented English since he'd been speaking pure French for three days before Jazmine was 'encouraged' to leave for her flight. "Hey, listen, I'm not sure I can contact you after this call, Hermann. There's a lot of memories tangled up in the ... the Icebox. I can't stay. Summarily dismissed from the program and don't know where I'm going. I thought you should know; I made you something but it's never been sent. Can I show you?"

"I am glad you contacted me. My condolences for your brother. Anything that isn't numbers or Kaiju right at this moment would be appreciated, to be honest." Hermann sighs as he leans back in the desk chair, his face showing genuine sympathy. Raleigh leans toward the display, pulling up the cherry wood and brass-tipped cane to show it off. "Oh my. That is for me?"

"Yeah. I was gonna send it when you left for the Sydney 'dome but by the time I thought about it, you'd moved 'domes again. You're in Hong Kong, right? I'm gonna send it on a prayer that it gets to you in one piece via PPDC Air," Raleigh offers, knowing that the pilots of the choppers will take along the package as a gift for his years of service. It helps to have someone who knows what the package means to him.

"That is thoughtful of you. I hope we see each other again, Raleigh, and perhaps under happier circumstances." Hermann still looks worried but Raleigh can't hug him across a screen and an ocean like he wants to do.

"Thanks, Hermann, but I'm not doin' so hot. Uncle Charlie said I could stay with him while I sort things out but ... can't stand the sight of this city. I've moved all of your models into storage since I hope I can find work up in Nome, but I think this is goodbye for now. I don't know if I could've made a better friend than you."

"I am quite sure that you could have made friends with anyone you wanted to, Raleigh. However, I am very glad that you picked me up off the ice that day in November. I shall see you when I see you. Do not forget to call or email. I will answer them as soon I have the time."

"Bye, Hermann."

"Goodbye, Raleigh." The vid-conference screen goes white and he stares at it until the clerk running the place pokes her head inside to yell at him.

"Hey, you gotta go pal-" She stops as she actually takes him in for a moment. Raleigh's sure he looks like a mess.

"We ... I-I'll get out of your hair. Probably have better things to do than wait for a washed-up pilot," he murmurs quietly, limping past her with the cane tucked under his arm.

The bitterness in the back of his throat that makes him want to lash out is contained as he actually has to use Hermann's cane for balance the last few steps to his new apartment. Charlie had laid down the first month's rent and, for that, Raleigh's grateful. He wouldn't survive in the civilian world if he hadn't had family to pick him up. The rickety door creaks as he slumps into the chair nearest to the entrance. It's going to be a long time in the face of his grief before he feels whole again.

* * *

**-Three Months Later-**

Raleigh finds work painting murals on the Wall to brighten it up. It started with a simple doodle on a napkin in front of one of the project managers and had expanded from there. He paints quickly, the sure brush-strokes belying the turmoil under his calm façade. 

"You're really stable in that harness." Raleigh leans back from his mural with his boot-tips as he tucks the paintbrush behind his ear. The man who interrupted his work obviously had no idea what he was doing in the art lean-to over this section of the Wall. He hates it; he hates that the Wall is even an option. 

"Gotta be. Don' wanna fall to my death." the reply is rusty, caustic because he doesn't feel like making friends anymore. It only hurts more when they leave. "'M busy." Planting his feet solidly back onto the Wall, he goes back to painting the wide streak of Kaiju blue on Reckoner as he remembers it.

"I've got an offer for you."

"Well?" Raleigh shifts the brush to create short streaks of Kaiju blue along with dots for light. The Wall would glow in the dark once the sun hit the paint to charge it up. He gets a smear of the paint on his hand and some on his face as he dips the brush back into the can hanging by his side. 

"I need someone to weld the Wall section here." Raleigh snorts derisively as he continues to paint, switching out the buckets of paint to snag the ugly green of Reckoner for the lumbering limbs. _Tacit Ronin_ is outlined in stark white paint, paused mid-strike against the beast. He paints until he can't stand the burning gaze of the construction worker any longer. 

"Look," here is where he pulls the sweater off his left side, the scars still a deep red, "I can't help you out. I'd love to, pal, but I can't work without a harness. This one belongs to a friend of mine." Raleigh sneers when the man stumbles away from the livid damage he suffered in Gipsy Danger. "Goddamn asshole, ain't he Yan?" Silence greets his question and the broken link gets agitated as he sends his emotions. " _Shit_." He shivers, gripping his left side with glazed eyes and a pained grimace. Hoping no one had heard him talking to thin air, Raleigh gets back to work slowly aching in places that are raw for no reason at all. 

**-August 27, 2021-**

The art crew always tries to draw Raleigh in with stories of past conquests and remarks about the Wall but he ignores them. Even the friendliest of the bunch tended not to engage him in much conversation anymore and they had tried fiercely. 

"They say _Chrome Brutus_ went down in the ice; damn Canadians freezing out the bastard. Kaiju are getting smarter or so the newscaster says. What horseshit." Raleigh stays out of all conversations leading back to his days in the Icebox Shatterdome. "Hey, Becket, you got an opinion on this?" 

"Leave me out of your squabbles." he bites back warningly. 

"Ahh, Becket's a sourpuss." the other artist on the crew barks at the newbie. "He don't talk much." 

"Why?" 

"Some say he's the remainin' pilot from one of the Jaegers who went down. He's seen two and a half thousand tons of Kaiju up close and personal. Others just slap on the label of loner; leave 'im because he don't talk much and answers even rarer. You'd be better off making friends with a blow-torch than Becket." comes the smart answer. 

"You sure?" 

"Go dig your own grave then, kid." 

"Hey! Hey, Becket!" 

"What?" he growls the question, not in the mood for stupidity. He just... He wants to be left to his peace and memories. "Piqsqeak like you has no idea what it was like before the Wall, before all this shit went down. Don't speak to me again." 

"You're the other solo." The recognition is almost worse than the anonymity of being a artist on the Wall. "You're a hero." 

Raleigh's knuckles turn white around his harness (re-used from one of Charlie's old parachute jumps) as he turns on the teen. "You want me to talk? I've got some good advice. Leave the Wall, go home an' spend your last year or so with your goddamn family because sometimes they leave before their time is up." He still remembers how to project his voice and the area that it reaches becomes utterly silent in his wake as he leaves with a swish of Yancy's patched Gipsy Danger overcoat. 

The absolute worst part of a broken bond is waking up thinking you're the other half of the pair. Raleigh wakes up at least three times a week thinking he's Yancy and that Knifehead killed Raleigh. He's taken to leaving a painful reminder above the mirror on bright yellow paper.

**_Yancy Becket is dead. Your name is Raleigh Becket. You work on the Wall; you aren't a Ranger anymore._ **

Some days, though, he can't be bothered to remember which name to use since everyone refers to him by his last name.

"Hey, Becket, letter for you. Delivery guy was insistent." Raleigh's boss was a decent woman and one of the few who knew why he was here instead of Anchorage. Sherri let him stay even as Yancy because she'd seen the circuitry scars when Raleigh had been dumb enough to roll up his sleeves.

"Thanks," he says her as he tucks the letter into his jacket pocket. "Appreciate it."

"You're welcome, Becket. I'm glad you decided to doodle on that shit bar napkin. That's one hell of a mural," she murmurs as she hands him half of her lunch. Sherri always makes 'too much' and feeds anything she has to spare to her crew.

"If you say so, ma'am," he sighs at the sight of _Tacit_ 's gleaming armor on the Wall and Reckoner's ugly Kaiju mug getting smashed in.

"Too bad they're movin' the crew to Sydney to paint that Wall with ... I think it's Lucky Seven and Striker Eureka. Sorry," she apologizes with a side glance to take in his reaction.

"Ah. Well, there is that guy goin' round for welders down in Sitka." Raleigh mentioned as he kicked his feet back and forth on the huge cement pipe that ran the length of the Wall.

"Welding? With hands like yours? Damn shame," Sherri sighs as Raleigh looks at his callused hands.

"Gotta go where the Wall does, as bad as it sounds, ma'am," Raleigh replies softly as he continues to eat. "You've been pretty good for a super."

"Ha. You barely talk to the rest of them. What do you plan on doing when I leave with the half that understands your grunts?" she teases.

"Guess I'll have ta speak a little more," he observes dryly while watching the welding sparks burst across the rough concrete.

**-October 27, 2022-**

Brilliant Aurora Borealis waves streak the sky as Raleigh welds through his shift and then stays on top briefly to watch them undulate across the sky. 

"Becket! What're you still doin' up here?!" The only person not to have left with Sherri and her paint crew was Davis, an Alaskan native much like Raleigh himself. Raleigh was okay with the guy because the man didn't expect much. 

"Look up." he murmured instead of getting down, settling in to watch the colors dance and he can forget about everything for just a little while. 

"'Look up' he says. Boy's crazier than a sack o' nuts and I still-Oh." 

"Nice, isn't it?" Raleigh asks with a wistful lilt to his question. He'd never done this with anyone and the habit had persisted until adulthood. 

"Yeah." 

"Can't see it from the ground anymore." He sighs. 

"Really?" Davis climbs up and lays across from Raleigh to see it closer. 

"Used to go out for miles on a sled into th' tundra ta see it. But that was before the Kaiju, y'know?" Raleigh rolled over to look Davis in the eye and the man started laughing. 

"Boy, you're gonna fall off a 300 foot wall if you keep doin' stunts like that one." Davis chided with a wagging finger. 

"But I have you ta catch me, right?" If there's a waiver in his tone, the other man doesn't acknowledge it. 

"Aw hell, Becket, don't you give me them puppy eyes." Davis sat up and pulled Raleigh with him. "Go get some rest, Blondie." 

Raleigh's lips pulled into the briefest flicker of a smile before Raleigh set his feet against the Wall, line in one hand before he gives Davis a sloppy salute. "Can do, Davis." 

"Hey, before ya go... Go talk to the Russian crew. They're decent fellas and gals even if I don't speak th' language. They won't expect much of ya but hard work an' honesty." 

He nodded briefly and muttered "Thanks," before rappelling down with a pause to look up to the Aurora Borealis and whisper, "Wish you were here, Yan." 

**-June 23, 2023-**

Raleigh pushes his helmet up and wipes his face with a handkerchief. His left arm has been throbbing for hours but his shift lasts another fifteen minutes.

"Becket, you resting?!" the welding team leader shouts up at him as his arm trembles minutely.

"Gimme five seconds, boss! I'll be right back on it!" he barks back down, quickly using the pressure points he learned from Tendo to make his arm numb for the moment.

"I don't care how you do it, I just want it done! The UN's breathin' down Alaska's neck!" comes the reply.

"Gotcha!" He tugs his helmet back down and welds until the break buzzer sounds. Raleigh rappels down the wall, his boots hitting the concrete with dull thuds.

"Becket." The man's tone is contrite as he sees Raleigh's left hand spasm.

"Yeah, boss?"

"You did good. Here's your ration-card."

Raleigh takes it with his good hand, limping along until he meets up with his Russian team.

"Sit, sit. Crazy kot, sleeping up on the steel. Here. Eat." The faint ghost of a smile tugs at his lips and the team cheers. He laughs, though it's short and more of a snort, accepting the warm bowl of potato soup with the ease of familiarity. The team doesn't pressure him to talk and they haven't his entire time with them. Raleigh appreciates it deeply. He shows his gratitude by taking on shifts and giving the ration cards to those who need them.

They all knew he worked to keep from screaming in the shared barracks because the last time he'd done that, he'd terrified a good quarter of the inhabitants. "Thanks."

"Bah. Dedicated, does thankless work and says thanks for _soup_ ," his former super grumbles in broken English.

"It's some damn good soup, Yuri," he mutters in Russian and the crew starts laughing.

"I thought you spoke only English and French!" comes the protest in the same language. 

"Hardly. I speak at least eight fluently an' being around you has only helped the Russian," he quips back and the team splutters into their soup with giggles or just outright thigh-slapping. "You just never asked."

"Oh great, we have joker!" Yuri throws his hands up and goes back to tending to his soup.

"Just sayin what everyone else is thinkin', boss."

* * *

When nearly half of the Russian crew leaves later in the year, Raleigh goes back to his silent brooding. Yuri tries his best but there's nothing anyone can do. These days, he's Yancy more often than he is Raleigh.

"Becket?"

"Yeah, boss?"

"Your welds are stabilized. Get out of here. I can't pay you too much overtime, kid."

Yancy's eyes flare briefly with anger before he nods, rappelling down to the ground. He's not stupid; rationing is getting tighter and tighter and Yancy's just one guy. 

Walking along the Wall, he's struck with the feeling that this thing is the only thing that keeps him from the streets. That particular experience is one he never wants to do over; it'd been hell the first time around, especially with two younger siblings to look out for as the bills piled up because Richard had just _split_. 

It'd either been hitting the streets or hitting the foster care system where they would be taken away from one another. Yancy'd had the unenviable position of halfway starving himself so that his siblings got proper food. He shook his head away from the memories as they featured Raleigh and Jazmine; Yancy couldn't bear the sight of his brother alive and well, even three years after losing him. 

Tapping out a rhythm, he climbed the steel scaffolding and clipped his carabiner around the knotted cord he kept up there to sleep. No one bothered him after the incident where he'd almost shoved a crew member off the scaffolding; Yancy'd been under the impression that he was hitting a Kaiju in his nightmare.

* * *

_Blood spiraled above his head as he struck the cold Alaskan waters and hitched in a single, broken breath before sending quietly, **Love you.** The resulting tumble of emotions followed him into darkness._

He arched off the steel support beam and curled into the junction with a scream of agony clenched between his teeth. Gasping for air that found its way unimpeded into his lungs, Raleigh pounded his fist against the steel until it ached as much as his heart. A growl escaped him as Raleigh realized this was all the sleep he was going to get that night. 

He rappelled down and switched to his running gear; a pair of thread-bare sweats and one of Yancy's thickly-knitted tank tops as well as a ratty pair of sneakers. Running cleared his mind until all Raleigh felt was the burning of his lungs and the softly tinted sky washed into bright blue. 

The pitiful mew from a pile of rocks sitting close to the cold waters has him pulling up short. It sounds again and Raleigh goes to investigate, unwilling to leave the source of the pitiful noise behind in the wake of his nightmare. He looked under the outcropping and found a waif of a kitten mewling on the no longer breathing body of a mother cat as well as three other kittens. 

Raleigh scooped up the fragile triple-colored kitten and tucked it into the front of his tank top. It shivered but started purring almost immediately. He speed-walked back, hoping against hope that the little one survived long enough for him to get it some food. 

He showered quickly, changing clothes again and tucking the kitten into the pocket of his hoodie as he sought out Yuri. 

"Yuri?" 

"Yes, crazy kot?" The affection warms Raleigh even as he tries to think of a way to explain the fluffball currently kneading his stomach. 

"I, uh, I found..." The kitten mewled loudly in the awkward silence and Yuri's eyes lit up at the sound. 

"You found kotenok! Where?" His former supervisor loves cats and has quite the menagerie of them near the barracks. 

"In the outcropping where I run in the mornings." he answers absently in Russian, scooping the kitten out of the warm space to show Yuri. "Haven't checked the sex yet though." Raleigh lifts the tail and it's... "A girl. Is she gonna make it?" 

"Little enough to put with Seshka's litter. Come. I show you box." Yuri tucks the kitten back into Raleigh's pocket and tugs him along to the warmest corner of Yuri's soap-box space that the man shares with his wife. "Will have to spay along with Seshka's bunch." 

"Yeah." 

"Have name?" 

"I... I'm not sure-" Raleigh murmurs even as the kitten turns around in the pocket and pokes out her half black, half creamy orange face with a liberal smear of white separating the two colors. 

"You have enough room in your heart for a cat, silly boy." Yuri snorts dryly in Russian as he taps Raleigh's chest with two fingers. "That kitten has wrapped you around her furry little paws and you know it." Raleigh sighs as he cradles the kitten close and looks her in the eyes, innocent green-grey locking with jaded azure. She batted at his nose with her paw and Raleigh cooed at her. 

"Hiya Patches." Patches mewled again and purred as she nipped his thumb. "Feisty, yeah?" 

"She will fit in with Seshka's litter. We must have food and then work. Kitten will be here when we get back." Yuri promises with a clap on Raleigh's good shoulder. He realizes with a start that Yuri had seen his burn scars and didn't say anything about it. 

"Alright." Raleigh sets Patches down with the rest of the kittens and Seshka rubbed her face over Raleigh's hand. "I'll be back to see her." 

"Good. Good. My wife, she makes porridge today and eggs." 

"You sure she wants to feed me?" Raleigh's still not used to the generosity of his former supervisor and has reverted back to hiding behind a quiet personality. 

"Da. It's no secret; you are always so skinny. Of course she'll feed you." Yuri snorts dryly as he tugs Raleigh into the kitchen just as Irina sets down the eggs. 

"You brought me a guest?" she coos at her husband and the man turns a brilliant shade of pink as the woman kisses his cheeks. Raleigh watches with a soft expression even as Irina sits him down and sets coffee (the real stuff) in front of him. "Eat." His stomach growls unmercifully as his last ration card had gone to a family of five who ended up leaving the Wall. She sets down thick porridge, a spoon and a small bowl with two eggs. 

"Thank you." Irina nods and goes to eat her own portion. 

"So, you found a kitten?" 

"Yeah. I... I couldn't leave her there. About yea big." Raleigh uses his hand to illustrate that Patches is small. "We put her in with Seshka's litter." 

"Ah. We have work in half an hour." Yuri grumbles good-naturedly. Raleigh steadily works his way through the porridge as Irina and Yuri chat about little things, obviously not pressuring him into any sort of talking. He cracks open the eggs and is rather surprised when Seshka hops up into his lap and curls up. "She likes your smell. You can move her to Irina's lap if she's bothering you." 

"... It's okay. She feels nice." Seshka kneads his thigh gently with no claws as he finishes up his portion. The large Russian Blue queen blinks her sleepy green eyes at him and he blinks back. Raleigh gently pets her until he's leaning on the table with his elbow and Seshka's purring up a storm. "Gonna take care of my kitty, hmm?" The cat rubs her face against his and makes a 'brrp' noise as if to answer him. "Okay. I gotta go now." Seshka kneads him again and drops down after a final rub against his legs. 

He looks up to see Yuri and Irina with knowing smiles on their faces. The work horn sounds just in time to keep Raleigh from embarassing himself further.

* * *

**-May 10, 2024-**

Everyone watches as _Romeo Blue_ squares off against Kabiri, the two titans crashing against one another with little care for the city only a mile away. Rubble crashes down as the tunnels Kabiri ripped through the earth collapse, dust clouds billowing upward and obscuring part of the fight before _Romeo_ smashes an elbow into Kabiri's head and then under the jawline, cracking open the massive maw with a resounding crack. _Romeo Blue_ backs up, moving as quickly as it can to put distance between them. The Gatling Chest opens fire on the Kaiju, the rounds searing and cauterizing the Kaiju's flesh before it shears off into the water.

 _Romeo_ closes the Gatling and lunges forward with Yancy grinning at the memory of the AC/DC the Gages like to listen to in their Conn-pod. The Kaiju grapples with _Romeo Blue_ , both of them finding grips and then losing them again in the slick water. They battle ferociously, the shriek of metal and armored flesh audible even through the TV.

The crowd winces collectively when the immense digging claws rip through the chest plate and the Jaeger shudders. Kabiri presses its advantage and tears off _Romeo'_ s arm; Yancy's mind flashes back to _Gipsy_ and he shivers.

Yancy curses a blue streak in French as _Romeo Blue_ goes down, crushing the Kaiju beneath its heavy weight while the pilots drown in the Conn-pod.

Kabiri had wrapped its enormous claws around the Conn-pod and is slowly crushing it underwater.

Yancy storms away from the break room and heads straight for his untouched barracks room for the vodka under his bunk. The Gages had been good friends and even better pilots. Grabbing the bottle takes the work of a moment along with a heavy plastic cup: the tools to recreate the Shatterdome ritual begun the day _Triton Tasmania_ fell at the Breach and repeated much too often since then.

He sets a scowl on his face as he climbs up the scaffolding to perch on top of a Wall section that's complete and pours himself half a cup of vodka. Yancy drains it in one go, swears again, and pours the same amount for the other Gage twin. Saluting the sky takes barely a second but the brothers deserve it. They'd been decent outside their Jaeger after Raleigh had tagged them good with Hermann's throwing arm and the cleverly set snow traps Raleigh designed.

Heavy panting alerts Yancy to his supervisor's ascent of the scaffolding with the ladders; he knows that because the frame rattles everytime someone uses the inner sections of the scaffolding. He ignored the creak and huffed breaths, silently hoping that if he doesn't move maybe the man will go away. 

When his supervisor finally gets to the top, Yancy doesn't even spare the smaller man a glance as he fills the cup again; this time for the deceased to drink. He makes sure it's just the waves crashing against the Wall before he tilts the cup so the liquid falls straight into the ocean.

"What the hell are you doin' Becket?" the man wheezes as he sucks in mouthfuls of air between coughing fits. Even as a supervisor the man can't seem to quit his disgusting habit of smoking a pack a day.

"Sharing a drink with some old friends, Boss," he growls lowly, not taking his eyes off the ocean's swell as he continues, "You're gonna get cancer at the rate you're goin' with those damn things."

"How ... How would you know, Becket?"

"Family member." Yancy sneers as he stands up unharnessed and fairly trots to get away from everyone. A familiar meow greets him as he reaches into his hood and he sighs. That damned kitten is still keeping him company. He can't think of a better name than 'hey you' or Patches, to which she actually responds with a noise.

"Becket! You still have your shift in twenty minutes!"

Yancy doesn't even turn around as he flips the guy off and keeps walking.

The Wall is almost peaceful in the finished areas, with no noise to distract Yancy from his buried grief that isn't just for his friends and fellow pilots. Raleigh's death is something Yancy pushes away, especially when the tendency to catalogue things pops up. That was Raleigh's thing and Yancy isn't about to start it again.

 **My Ranger?**

_Yeah Gips?_ It had surprised the hell out of him when their Jaeger started talking to him, saying she woke up during their last battle, which he didn't remember much of in the first place. Now it's normal and a comfort.

 **Romeo's distraught. He won't let anyone near him in the 'frames except Brawler and Coyote... How can I help?** He continues to marvel that Gipsy isn't the only awake Jaeger AI even as he thinks for a long moment. 

_You hover just outta reach and make sure he feels your presence. If he turns to ya, you give him a hug._ Yancy mutters even as _Gipsy'_ s presence envelopes him from her end of the bond. 

**Like that?**

Yancy can't help the laughter that washes through the bond at her innocent warmth. _Yeah. Just like that, doll._

**Oh. What were you doing earlier?**

_Givin' the Gages one last drink. It's somethin' we started together with them an' Brawler's pair when Triton's team went down._

**That's a human thing.** She turns the statement into a question with her tone. 

_Yeah. Metaphorical and shit. Don't read too much into it, Gips. How's everyone else?_ he asks to take his mind off the Gages and _Gipsy_ 's mind off of _Romeo_. 

**We're pretty sure Matador Fury's gonna wake up any day now. The spikes in her mainframe are getting bigger and bigger.**

_The Mexican Jaeger? Why's she takin' so long? An' why now?_

**I guess she's just a late bloomer. That's what Lucky called me.** she offers with a mental shrug. **Besides, it's not easy to wake up.**

_What do ya mean?_ Yancy presses gently against _Gipsy_ like he used to do when Raleigh's mind was frantic. _Gipsy_ presses back and he feels a sharp lance of what could be considered grief before she washes the bond with tenderness. 

**It's... Complicated. We're still not sure how it happens but we're getting closer to finding out. Coyote says he's almost worked it out with Dad and Striker.**

_Yeah. Remind me to send flowers to your Dad, okay? We may not have much but I bet he's got even less now that he's in Hong Kong and away from Hansen's protection. I hope he hasn't gotten into any fights._ he murmurs as he clips his carabiner to the rope leading back down to his harness. 

**Only with that Dr. Geiszler he has to work near because of Marshal Xiong. He argues the Groupie into a verbal corner and then keeps him there with quips.** _Gipsy_ offers with a visual that Yancy understands to be a tablet camera, with Hermann arguing this... shrimp into a muttering ball of frustration who stabs what looks like Kaiju ribs with a scalpel. **Dad's good at getting him to back down or at least out-shout him.**

 _And his... well, y'know._ Yancy means the wings that Hermann had kept secret for so long. 

**Still there.** She gives him another image, this time of Hermann's wings in their full glory. **He doesn't know that it's you sending the flowers.**

_Great. Lemme check my card after shift and I'll get on it._

**-December 28, 2024-**

Raleigh breathes out a cloud of warm breath, grateful that he can take a moment to breathe. Patches is curled up in his hood and purring loud enough to wake the dead. He chides the cat with a puff of air against her butt, getting a disgruntled mew for his efforts but the purring only gets louder. 

None of the crew members aside from Yuri and the supervisor talk with him anymore. 

"Becket, break's up! Get back up there and weld." the barked order is one he practically follows on auto-pilot. The sting of having to follow orders instead of giving them has faded over time, even if he was a damned good supervisor once. 

"Yes sir." he replies as he slides his welding goggles back down. He climbs the scaffolding much like the cat in his hood as she kneads at the fur lining the jacket. 

Raleigh is on top today and he has to use every bit of his knowledge to stay there while welding the final bars before more concrete is poured over them for a smooth finish. Patches settles in around the half-hour he takes to weld each set of rebar and falls asleep an hour later, a tiny lump in the hood that covers the worst of Raleigh's scars. 

The cat's been his best friend and confidant when Yuri nor Irina are around and people (meaning the rest of the crews) give him a wide berth because it seems like he's talking to himself. Even when he's Yancy, Patches tags at his heels until he's no longer his brother. It happens on and off over the week, sometimes staying for longer if Raleigh's been stressed out with nightmares. 

When the break horn sounds for lunch, Raleigh rappels down from the section with a speed that no one else can match despite their years working on the Wall. He reaches into his hood and finds a warm nose touching his fingertips as he coaxes Patches into his gloved hands. She jumps down, leads him around large machines as she dodges heavily booted feet and straight to Yuri's soap box. She meows impatiently at the door and purrs as Irina picks her up to settle around her shoulders. 

"Where is your rescuer? You need to let him come to us of his own volition, little painted cat." Irina scolds Patches but Raleigh knows she's right. Hell, if his cat didn't run to the doorstep he'd probably never eat a meal. 

"She's lookin' out for me. Probably wouldn't get a warm meal if she didn't keep bringing me here." he offers as Patches greets Seshka with a soft 'brrp' that gets returned. Raleigh hears the scrape of the litter box and laughs when the scent of poop lingers. "I'll get that an' wash my hands." 

"You don't have to, you know. Yuri does it at night." 

"Well, it's more for me than the cats. I don't wanna eat your food with a helping of a certain smell on the side." he counters with a small smile, stripping off his gloves and pushing up his sleeves to clean the litter. 

"Ah. Practical." she hums as she stirs what smells like goulash. Raleigh cleans it, washes his hands and sets the bag in the freezing cold, knowing that nothing will bother it. He goes back in to wash his hands and laughs when Patches jumps from the makeshift cat tower to his shoulders with a satisfied mrr. 

"Hey you." Patches rubs her face against his and he wrinkles his nose at the fluffy fur that sticks to his face along with the fish breath. "Gross. Can we not?" All that gets him is a wriggle into his hood and a warm heat that kneads softly against his sore muscles. "I give up." 

Irina giggles at his remarks as she sets down three bowls of goulash and bread on the side. "She's a good cat." 

"Yeah... Can I leave her with you tommorow? It's supposed to be a little nippier than usual and I don't want her pads to freeze off." he asks quietly, hoping that Irina would say yes. 

"Of course, of course. Sheshka will enjoy the visit from her kitten." They eat in silence for a while until a familiar nose pokes out of the hood and sniffs. 

"Goulash isn't for cats, you," Raleigh sighs but offers some from his fingertips anyway. "Seriously?" Patches is washing his fingers with broad strokes of her raspy pink tongue and staring at him with wide green eyes. "Fine." He offers her some more and she eats that before wriggling back out of his hood and eating from the cat bowl that isn't labeled. "Thanks for lunch. Patch, up!" The cat side-eyes him and continues to finish her bite of cat food. Once she's done washing her face, Patches does a running leap and lands right in the scoop of Raleigh's hood. "Brat." 

She mews impertinently as they travel back to their section of the Wall. Raleigh sighs but can't help his lips pulling up into a rare smile. The new workers (evident with thier vaguely clean equipment and no dirt mask from the goggles) look at him and the older ones elbow each other as they trade ration cards to see which newbie will brave the rumors to talk with him first. 

He turns away and goes back up, welding until the final buzzer sounds and he squirrels away to the finished parts of the Wall. Patches worms her way from his hood into his jacket, a round lump on his chest that he pets until the tiny face pokes out to mew at him. 

"Is that him? The one they all talk about?" 

"Guess so. They said he hides here. I don't blame him any, y'know. Poor guy just wants to be left in peace. My cousin met him once and left the Wall because of it." Raleigh remembers that one; the kid who recognized that he was the only other pilot to solo a Jaeger. "Let's just go." 

"Okay."

* * *

The next morning feels weird.

 _Gipsy_ 's surprisingly quiet and she's been sending reassurance since he woke up. 

_Gips, I know something's up,_ Raleigh huffs through their bond, nudging her until she sighs. 

**I'm not allowed to tell you what,** she admits as she wraps around him, her presence a warmth that he sorely misses from Yancy. **Whatever remains of him, my Ranger, he loves you just as much as I do.**

_Said he would, remember?_ he teases lightly even though grief still bleeds through. 

**I do.** _Gipsy_ brushes back with a wash of sweet kindness. 

_Then I gotta drop Patches off with the Orlovs._ He replies as he gets ready for another day of exhausting, dirty work. 

**Why?**

_I have a feeling that where I'm going, **if** I go, I can't take her with me._

**Oh. She's a very smart cat.**

_Smartest I've had yet._ Patches yawned as she kneaded his pillow, her pupils soft and round. _Probably the cutest too._

"Heya Patch." She 'brrp'ed and leaned into his petting hand. "Gotta drop ya off with Yuri an' Irina, okay?" The cute kitty eyes blinked up before Patches jumped up onto his shoulder to knead _him_ instead of the pillow. "I'm kidding myself. I'm talking to a cat for cripes sake..." Raleigh shrugged in defeat while he put on his coat and harness. "No harm done, I guess." 

Dropping off Patches into the care of Yuri's wife is harder than he thought it would be, even after breakfast and a long play session with her; Irina has to hold the tiny cat as Raleigh walks away to keep her from following. 

"Irina said you left kot with her today." Yuri says in English, sounding disapproving. 

"Today's too cold for little bean toes to be touching concrete. You know Patches likes ta lead me around. Hey, listen, if you don't see me tomorrow... Send her to this address." He says in fluent Russian not wanting most of the other workers to care for the conversation. Raleigh unfolds a crumpled piece of paper and presses it into Yuri's hand, his gaze serious as he looks at the older man. "It's my Uncle and he'll take good care of her for me." 

"You do not think you will be coming back to the Wall, yes?" Yuri replies in the same language, his trust in Raleigh enough to keep his peace. 

"Somethin' like that." he replies instead of answering the question, which ends up answering it even better. 

"Ah. You have feeling?" Yuri asks as they stand in front of the section they're supposed to be working on. 

"Yeah." Raleigh shrugs and adjusts the strap for his equipment. 

"This has something to do with the scars." Yuri's announcement is met with Raleigh's soft chuckle. 

"I hope not but I think so." he scuffs his worn boots along the cracks in the flooring. 

"Good luck then." They separate at the sections they're needed in, Yuri giving him a salute and a smile. Raleigh does the same but the odd feeling that something will happen soon doesn't leave him.

**Author's Note:**

> I cried writing parts of this. It burned so badly but I wrote it. I'm sorry if it makes you sad. 
> 
> *You lived as you died, brother, with love.


End file.
